Celebrating Birthdays After Loss
- Marcy Baez Lopez
- Dec 18, 2022
- 4 min read
Updated: Dec 13, 2025
How do we continue to celebrate a loved one’s birthday after they are no longer with us? All that's left is the constant reminder of their absence. Should we honor them privately or invite others to join in their remembrance? As my son Joshua's birthday on December 14 approached, it became increasingly difficult. I know I'm not alone in feeling this way.
In the past 10 months, I have discovered and continue to discover ways to honor and celebrate my son Josh. I am sharing these tools with you so that you can also use them to honor your loved ones who have passed.
We can keep their memory alive. And still include them in the celebration.
As this day approached, a heaviness took hold of my heart and soul. Dread sometimes overwhelmed and consumed me if I allowed. And at times, still does. Yet, I resist it. I leaned in and faced my reality, with intention reflected on past birthdays. I asked myself, What did we do? How did he want to celebrate?
We must find the courage to confront this day and create a plan. Begin by considering how your loved ones would wish to be remembered by you. Take this chance to celebrate their life in a meaningful way.
Birthdays are celebrations filled with excitement and anticipation; good food, gifts, and time with family and friends. Here are some ways I discovered in my research that inspire me. May you find comfort, hope and peace in entering this day, the day they were born, and honor them in the best possible way you can.
1. Celebrate Their Way
Cook their favorite meal, go to their favorite restaurant, or enjoy their favorite (or genre) movie in their memory. And don't forget to have their favorite dessert and drink!
2. Donate in Their Memory or Volunteer and Serve
Make a contribution in their name. Was there an organization or charity, a special cause they supported and/or felt passionate for? A memorial gift donation continues their legacy. You can also choose to volunteer and serve where they did or in ways similar to how they would have invested their time and energy in making a difference in the community and our world.
3. A Time Away
Take a day or however long you need away from day to day. Create and plan an environment to heal. An escape, sometimes it helps to go far to feel close. You can choose to go alone or surround yourself by those you know support your journey and are a sense of comfort for you.
4. Write a Letter
Share with your loved one a recent life update, a milestone you met, a moment that made you smile or cry, even a decision or question that has been on your mind. Simply write and pour yourself out on paper. When a pen meets paper it can bring out the words we want to speak and keep inside or never knew we needed to say them at all. I have personally done this with my son. You can read my letter at the end of this post.
5. Plant Trees
Memorial trees can be planted and serve as a lasting, meaningful tribute in honor of their life. See suggestions at the end of post for a list of organizations to choose from.
6. Plan a Visit to the Cemetery or Memorial
Visit their gravesite or special memorial place. Going on their Birthday can offer you comfort and peace as you celebrate and reflect on the life they gave the world. Unfortunately, on this first year for me I wasn't able to visit. But I am hoping I can still before the weekend is over! It's been snowing and freezing temperatures in Illinois. UPDATE: I did make it yesterday! You can read more in my letter to my son.
7. Lighting a Candle
The glowing warmth of a candle can be a perfect way to celebrate the impression our loved ones left on our lives. Placing a heirloom or a well cared for object of theirs, a handwritten note, or a photo beside the candle can help us remember their light.
8. Balloon Release
I did consider doing this one activity. But struggled with the idea because of the environment hazard. Perhaps there are eco-friendly balloons. If you know of any please share in comments below! The idea is to purchase balloons and release them into the sky in remembrance of our loved one. For myself I thought to get 23 balloons to signify the 23 years of his life. And then release with those he loved and is loved by.
Josh's First Remembrance Birthday
Here are photos from our first year celebrating Joshua's birthday without him. I decided to keep the tradition alive in the way he always loved. We enjoyed his favorite pizza, drink, and ice cream cake. We then watched Avatar 1, as we had planned, and extended the celebration into the weekend by going to the theater to watch the new Avatar movie with his friends. Spending this time as he would have really helped us get through and made him a part of our celebration.
I hope that by sharing this, I inspire you to consider how your loved one can still be honored and remembered on their special day. After all, the day they were born was when the world received a unique gift. In my eyes, there's no one like my son Josh, and there never will be. He is truly one of a kind, just as your loved one is, and as each of us is. No matter where you are on your journey or where you find yourself now, the best way to honor them is by truly celebrating life.
Happy Heavenly Birthday!
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Below are recommended websites for planting trees in someone's honor:
Proverbs 10:7 "The memory of the righteous is a blessing..."
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