The day after was Mother's Day. A day I will never forget. The day my son, Josh, left home. He left in the early morning hours. I wasn't sure I would be up in time to see him go.
Sure enough, as I heard him packing and filling up the Toyota Camry, I couldn't stay asleep. I was anxious. One of the most important milestones in a person's life was happening right this moment. All I could think of was, "...does he have food for the trip? I can pack him a loaf of bread, a jar of peanut butter (his favorite), snacks, and even my last box of matzah."
The very last thing I remembered to grab for him was a bottle of Benadryl for his allergies. He inherited % of the Gomez genes from my father's side. (Family if you are reading, you know exactly what I mean!)
And before I sent him on his way I made certain to pray together. To bless his journey. I was so thankful to God for sending his roommate, Jesse, to travel with him. We stood in the living room, holding hands, praying before giving each other a big hug and saying our goodbyes.
Watching him go... was one of the hardest things I had ever had to do. My heart sank. I felt every second of every minute of that moment. I held back my tears. Smiled with the expectancy of God's promise to watch over him. I knew God was with him. I only needed to remain trusting and believing as God continued to reassure me.
And then... he was gone.
The rest of my day was challenging. I had varying different emotions, more so of loss. A BIG part of me was gone. Not only is Josh my son, but we have a very strong bond. One of friendship; we support and encourage each other. He honors me as his mother and looks to me as a spiritual advisor and for guidance; many times even for hard words of wisdom and truths.
We have had quite a long journey together as mother and son. And I realized I wasn't losing what we shared, but it was very real that it was about to change. Distance would keep us apart.
There was no skipping this part of my entry into a new level of motherhood. I didn't want to be here at all. I wanted this day to end. I reached out to my inner circle for prayer and support. I felt comforted by each one. But still missing something else.
I felt alone.
Very alone.
Staying home was not helping me. I had to get out. I had to go anywhere, it didn't matter where. With no car to take a drive in, I stepped outside and walked.
Still fairly new in this neighborhood it was a perfect time to explore. I knew where I wanted to go to...needed to be by...a body of water.
I walked down the street, across the tracks, down Cherry Street following signs to a park, Lion's Park, and sure that I would find the River nearby... Google Maps told me so months before we had moved into our new house.
And I did.
This spot was absolutely beautiful. It reminded me of back at home in Perryville, Maryland.
(I will share in a future post about this place)
There was a bench for me to sit on. So I sat, taking in all the warmth of the sun shining over me. The gentle breeze as it kissed my face. The smell of clean, fresh spring air. The sun gleaming on the water.
This was it. Where I needed to be, right here.
I felt home. Nature always brings this awareness of presence. Where I feel closest to God, my Creator. Our Creator.
As I sat there... with tears still running down my face... I allowed myself to feel God's touch despite my pain. I felt his care for me and the situation I found myself in. I felt his embrace, his love for me and Josh. No matter what I was going through, I wasn't alone. God was with me, right there, right now, as I went through it. All I needed to do is be still enough to feel Him close.
''Be still and know that I am God''
~ Psalm 46:10
Photos by Marcy Bachelor
Taken @ Cherry Street, South Elgin, Illinois
Book Recommendations for Praying Moms below.
The Power of Praying Book Collection by Stormie Omartian I have personally used for 15+ years and these have taken me through many storms of life in child rearing and used for praying the scriptures to bless my family.
Empty Nest (is recommended for when your children leave home)
The Power of a Praying Mom
The Power of Praying for Your Adult Children
The Power of a Praying Parent
The Power of a Praying Woman Bible
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Disclosure: Some of the links above are affiliate links which means I will earn a commission if you click on a link and purchase an item I have shared with you and recommend.
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