I am Grieving ~ Junebug (and the Echo of Joshua)

I Am Grieving

How do I even begin to write about the pain that still cuts me to the core?

I lost my sweet baby girl, my princess, Junebug (our beloved family cat) on Thursday, July 29th, 2021. Four years ago. We weren't prepared for this. Then again, who is ever truly prepared to let a loved one go? There aren't enough goodbyes anyone can say, and it doesn't change what's felt. I wanted to write the day it happened, then the day after, and the next... but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Yet, I knew that part of my healing comes from sharing my journey. I hope that as I share, others out there can relate to what my family and I went through, enduring these intertwined losses of our beloved cat Junebug and my dear son, Joshua. If you are, I encourage you to please, share with me. I found (and still find) comfort in knowing we are not grieving alone.

I initially planned to focus on writing about her for the entirety of August that year. But grief is unpredictable; it may shorten with time, or even extend indefinitely. It all depends. At that moment, though, that was my plan.

“Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” – Vicki Harrison

Bits and pieces of her story I had hoped to share, and I had expected that sometimes it would be messy, others comical, and then others deeply spiritual. I've learned to write with the natural flow of my experiences, because there is no right or wrong way to process grief. What's important? That we allow ourselves to feel it! Just allow the emotions to arise and fall as they will. Take small steps to walk through and manage life as we mourn. There is healing. I know it. I experience it daily. There is peace. It may feel different from what we see around us, but it is just what is needed. I need it, and I found it then (and still find it now) by diving into scripture. Reminding myself of WHO God is and WHAT He has already done for us, especially in my own life.

"And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7

When this happened, I felt like giving up. Refusing to go through life without her. My mind and my body literally felt like they were failing. How could I do this? How could I go on? But I did. I took one step after another, at my own pace... At first, everything was slow. I breathed. I walked. I did what I could with what was right in front of me. And I held on to my faith. There is comfort for each of us if we look to the Word of God. We will find His support, His strength, and His love holding us up.

"My mind and body may fail; but God is the rock for my mind and my portion forever." Psalm 73:26 (Complete Jewish Bible)

"...He is the anchor of our souls." (Hebrews 6:19)

A Grief Interrupted: Losing My Son, Joshua

Just six short months after Junebug passed, my world was shattered again when I lost my beloved son, Joshua. This profound second loss, so close in time to the first, fundamentally changed everything about my grief. The immediate, gut-wrenching pain of losing him—a pain so immense you wouldn't wish it on your worst enemy—eclipsed my grief for Junebug. When I lost her, I felt like giving up, my mind and body literally failing, refusing to go on without her. But the anguish of child loss was a different realm entirely—a new, unimaginable chapter that forced me to put one foot in front of the other through a fog that seemed to swallow everything. This piece, then, isn't just about Junebug; it's also a deeply personal tribute, intertwining her story with that of my late son, Joshua, and the special connection they shared even in leaving this world at different moments but so close in time.

Her Entry Into Our Lives

(Image below is the first time I saw her.)

My son, Joshua, was volunteering for Chesapeake Feline Association; (CFA)—an all-volunteer, non-profit, no-kill feline rescue in North East, Maryland. CFA partners with Petco to help adopt out their rescues. Josh was in the process of adopting his first cat. He initially had his heart set on a disabled, black male cat, and it was even recommended that we also adopt his sister.

Then... he met Junebug. The moment she saw him, she went right to him as if to say, "You are the one I've been expecting! It's you who is going to bring me home!" Instantly, he changed his mind and fell deeply in love with her. Their bond was immediate and undeniable, a connection that remained uniquely theirs throughout her life, and now, even in their shared departure from this world.

Later when he came home, he shared his story with me. I told him I would stop by Petco in North East, where she was temporarily staying, to see if she would get adopted quickly. Time was of the essence! I walked inside and there she was. She looked sad. Lonely. I took several pictures of her during that visit. (Below is one of them.)

Junebug at Petco North East, Maryland. April 2015. Captured with an LG-LG730 Smartphone. Photo by Marcy Baez Lopez / Inspired Visions Photography

It wasn't long after I met her that we decided to adopt her and bring her home. She became an irreplaceable part of our family, changing all our lives forever in ways we could never have anticipated, ultimately linking joy with a sorrow only understood through the intertwined paths of her life and Joshua's.

"Our animal friends teach us more than we could have expected and love us more than we could have hoped...that's why we miss them more than we could have imagined." – Unknown Author